By Scott Cole, Scoutmaster
A Scout is friendly. That’s the fourth thing in the Scout Law. Everybody wants to have friends. Humans are social creatures and thrive best with the companionship of others. Friends can help carry each other’s load. Friends share the joys and pains of life. Even the Bible is aware of this. In the book of Ecclesiastes, it says: Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (ecc 4:9-12) Friendship is a powerful thing and that’s why it is in the Scout Law.
However, what does it mean to be a friend? This is something that has plagued mankind for many, many years. What does it take to be a true friend? What makes friendship that special bond?
Many friendships start off for superficial reasons. We like the same sports teams. We listen to the same music. We watch the same movies and tv shows. We have the same hobbies and interests. Maybe we live near them. Perhaps they are in our classes. These are the friends we hang out with and have a good time with. They are fun and they fill a purpose. They entertain us and keep us occupied and we generally enjoy their company.
But now take what I call “The Buffalo Test”. Let’s say you are stranded on the NY Thruway outside of Buffalo in a driving blizzard. Your car broke down and you have no money for a cab or a hotel. You are calling to see if they will come get you and help you out. Be honest. How many of them would do it? How many would refuse? Now flip it. Which of your friends would you do it for? You may say that you would, but look deep inside. Would you really? Remember the image of Christ at Gethsemane. He asked his friends to stay up and pray with him. They assured him that they would. Twice they fell asleep.
What makes a friend? More importantly, what makes a good friend? For some of us, it is someone who makes us laugh. Others, we look for someone who can cheer us up when we are upset. These are good qualities. We also look for someone that we can trust. People who use us are not friends. We like people who don’t tell lies nor gossip about ourselves. These are all great traits that friends have. But let’s dig deeper.
True friends are rare. You have often heard that you are lucky if you have five true friends in your life. I myself can count three best friends, and one of them is my wife. I have some other friends that are close. There are people that I work with that I am very friendly with, but have no idea what will happen to our relationship if I/they ever leave this place.
For me, a true friend is someone that I can open up with and be vulnerable. I can expose my true self. I can be myself and know that I am loved, despite my faults and failings. I can talk about silly things like music and sports with them. I can also talk about some of my fears and issues as well as my hopes and dreams with them. I can count on them for anything and I know, because we are closer than brothers, that if something were to happen to me, I know they would look after my wife and make sure she is ok.
What’s more important to me, with my friends, is the role they take in my accountability. My friends do not tell me just what I need to hear. Sometimes, some of the advice they give is stuff I may not want to hear at the moment. However, it is the right thing to do and for me, it is the right stuff for me to hear. They care about me so much that they would risk our friendship to say something that is more beneficial for me rather than just saying any old thing that is ineffective. They do not betray our friendship because they confront me and tell me when I am wrong. Rather, they strengthen our friendship because they have the courage to stand up and say something. Their courage shows how dedicated they are and how much love for me that they truly have. That’s a friend.
Be careful who you associate with. You could be guilty by association with the friends you keep. Hopefully, by being in the Scouts, the associations you keep will reflect positive on you. While a Scout is loyal, make sure that you are loyal to the right thing. While being loyal to a friend is good, are you compromising what is right to protect your friend? Also, is ignoring what is right for the benefit of your friend, what a good friend would do?
Friends help each other out…a scout is helpful after all. Make sure that you are, as a friend, doing things for the right reasons. We are trustworthy, loyal, and helpful. Are you fulfilling these obligations while doing the right things? Search your heart and examine your friendships. How good of a friend are you really being?
