By Ileana A.

When Veronica F. first came to The Family Foundation School, academics had never been a priority for her. When students here at The Family Foundation School fail classes, they are put on a sanction called “all ops” which means that they must study during all optional study halls. Veronica estimates that she was on all all ops for a year collectively. However, she is now passing all her classes and getting grades she never imagined she could receive.

How did she do this? Besides being on all ops, Veronica had many encouraging table topics in her Family. Her academic coordinator and history teacher, Scott Cole and Jason Garnar, teamed up with Veronica to achieve her academic goals. Together, they developed a personalized plan to help her pass. Every day, Veronica had a grade card filled out and signed by all her teachers. She also attended tutoring sessions at least twice a week. Veronica also tried very hard not to bring herself or her parents down by talking about how she was “going to fail anyway.” It took her a few months to get used to her new agenda, but Veronica finally started passing every single one of her classes, and her grades kept going up.

Now, instead of crying and complaining about school, Veronica puts her full effort into studying and can pass her classes independently. “Although it was a long process, it paid off and I discovered skills in myself that I didn’t know I had,” she says. Through tutoring, Veronica learned good organization skills, studying skills, and how to take responsibility for her work.

By Ileana A.

10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for the knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs. 

As I prepare for my transition to college, I am practicing steps 10, 11, and 12. Here at school and in my personal life, whenever I make a mistake, I have to take inventory and make amends as soon as possible. However, in practicing step 10, not only do I need to take inventory when I make a mistake but also when I feel myself slipping into negative thinking. Taking an inventory of my thoughts and feelings on paper is helpful because then I can clearly see what I need to work on.

For example, I just recently went through a very rough few weeks because of my anxiety about college. Not only was I struggling with crazy thinking but I was suffering from psychosomatic symptoms as well. By taking inventory, I realized that I feared relapsing, not fitting in, failing, not being able to cope, and other people’s judgments. I assumed that my past experiences with transitioning to new schools would repeat themselves and I wouldn’t be able to make it. I didn’t see the point in trying and I didn’t see the progress I’ve made. So, I took an inventory on my progress and my fears lessened.

Nevertheless, my fears still affected my confidence in my college choice and I couldn’t decide whether I should go to college or go home for a few months first. This is how I found out that step 11 is possibly the most beautiful step there is. I took to praying the rosary whenever I felt anxious, carrying it in my pocket at all times. I also prayed it several times before falling asleep at night. My individual counselor also gave me a pocket-sized New Testament and I read it whenever the opportunity arose. However, I couldn’t make up my mind about college until I started having conversations with God between the five decades of the rosary. All I said was, “God, I surrender my will to do yours, and yours only. I put my life in your hands. I am your faithful servant. Thank you for everything you put in my life, because I know that everything you have given me is a blessing.” After saying this, I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my heart. I felt so much lighter and somehow, I just knew that God was taking care of me and would always take care of me. There was no reason to fear college; God would always be there to guide me.

Now that the decision has been made, I am able to get out of myself and practice step 12. I’ve been so much happier after my recent surrender that it overflows and I need to share the energy with others. I need to share what I have learned. I continue to practice all the steps and share with my sponsees the miracle of my recovery. Through this step, I now have people who look up to me, a sense of self-worth, and courage to keep going by the constant reminder that I can make it through life and all it takes is God and my program.

By Richard O.

Alumni Parent

In September, a group of parents of former students of The Family Foundation School gathered at FFS for a full day seminar focused on using the 12 Steps to guide our lives.  Some of the children of these parents graduated from FFS just a few months earlier.  Others graduated five or six years ago.  Our children now reside across the country.  Many are enrolled in college, some are working full time, some are struggling with their demons—alcohol, drugs, emotional challenges.

When we all made the decision to send our teenager to FFS, the staff asked each of us to attend six or more 12 step meetings in our community.  They didn’t care if the meetings were AA, NA, Al-Anon, or Families Anonymous.  They wanted us to become familiar with the language of 12 Step so we would understand what our children were coming to learn.  I am sure they hoped we would stay with it.

The task for parents is relatively easy during the time our child is at FFS.  They are safe and learning how to control their lives.  At graduation, whether from the high school or the program, they leave the protective cocoon of FFS and reenter our daily lives, sometimes living at home and sometimes living elsewhere.  This transition is often challenging even when the new graduate seems to have his or her life in order.

The agenda for that Saturday was planned to provide support for each other.  We held the meeting at FFS because it was the center of our child’s life for as long as four years, and during that time we made regular trips to FFS for meetings with staff, other parents, and our child.  It felt very comforting walking through those doors.

The Grad Parent Seminar took place on the same day as an orientation meeting for new parents, giving several attendees the opportunity to meet briefly with a few new FFS families before going to our meeting room.  I remember that orientation so well.  We were still getting our feet on the ground, adjusting to our son being away from home.  We were nervous and uncertain about seeing him for the first time in seven weeks.  I could sense similar feelings in the two families I met.  I wished them well and went one direction; they went the other.

Most of the grad parents who attended continue to be associated with a 12 step group.    They know that 12 Step is not just for addicts.  As one of the staff told me several years ago it is a ‘guide to living a more principled life.’  This is a way for all of us to make changes in our lives that allow us to live more honestly and more cooperatively with family and friends.  That day we focused on issues new graduate parents have to deal with.  We shared our experience, strength, and hope.  We had the benefit of time spent with Susan Runge and with Rita Argiros.  But mostly, it was parent supporting parent.  It was our time.

During our years with FFS we learned that we are responsible for our own lives.  That’s the message we shared with each other as well as exploring specific aspects of 12 Step that help us achieve that end result.  As we learned, we cannot control or change anyone else.  ‘We can change ourselves; others we can only love.’

By Ileana A.

I’ve been surrounded by the 12 Steps for a little over a year now and, most days, I’m grateful for it. Every day I reflect on what my life used to be like and the differences in the way I live now.

Ever since I can remember, I felt different. (Funny how almost everyone’s story starts like that.) In preschool, I used to cry for hours after my mom dropped me off. The teachers hated me. I had to carry a walled with pictures of my family in it to look at when I felt alone. I supposed that was one of my first codependent behaviors.

My elementary school career was pretty normal, but being different was even more apparent to me when it was suggested that I attend a private school for a more challenging curriculum.

Switching to a private middle school was difficult. The first six months, I isolated from my peers. It was foreign for me to be in a school whose population was mostly upper class Caucasian kids. I didn’t know how to make friends. Luckily, for me, most of the kids weren’t thrown off by my presence and reached out their hands to me.

In seventh grade however, depression hit me hard mid-year. I was struggling to cope with peer-pressure and my body image. I was also relying heavily on my friends for my own happiness. (Codependent!)

I developed a coping skill, which brought about “crushes” on numerous boys in my class, relying on my interaction with them to make me happy. Soon I became so entangled in my insanity that I was only happy when I was able to hang out with friends and boys. Everyone had complete power over me. My life had begun to spin out of control. This, however, was not very obvious to me at the time.

I switched schools once again to continue high school somewhere else. In doing so, I very codependently let my parents choose where I would attend so that they would be happy. What’s three years of suffering, I thought.

Therapists soon became a huge part of my life because I started refusing to go to school. I discovered I have mono and weaned that for all its worth to avoid truancy charges.

I found someone who needed more help than I did, or so I thought, and decided to “save” him, thus fulfilling my desire to be needed. I made me feel like I was a good person. And, I suppose it was my way of negating my being a horrible daughter to my parents.

After saving the one guy, I moved on to others finding myself “needed” and liking it. Of course, this only made me temporarily happy before depression overwhelmed me again and again.

I still remember moments of pure confusion and insanity when I would start sobbing for no apparent reason. I couldn’t identify what was wrong with me.

Friends helped me get through, even when I was giving up on myself. I know now that God put them all in my life for a reason. Right before I arrived at The Family Foundation School, a friend I had made in sixth grade had suggested going to A.A. meetings because she knew someone who also had depression and was in recovery. I was definitely destined to be here.

With the help of the 12 Steps, I’ve been able to realize that I can find happiness without relying on others. I have explored Buddhism, Judaism, and Christianity and have been able to come up with my own working spiritual life. I’ve taken a look at myself and not only have I become willing to change my insane behaviors, but have changed many of them.

Even the smallest differences in my life astound me. I never would have thought I could finish high school, even less apply to colleges. I also have an internship when I used to be afraid of working!

I’ve been able to help others discover their own truths and my relationship with my parents continues to blossom. I’m learning to how to communicate and express my feelings and needs compassionately without any expectations on the other person. And most importantly for my addiction, I’ve learned that I no longer need guys to give me a purpose. I am responsible for my own self-worth, thank you.

Yes, on my off days I start to question if I really need the help from a 12 Step program. I usually find that the cause for this a longing to be “normal.” Yet, why would I compromise such real happiness for my old life, which I’ve tried over and over again and each time found that it doesn’t work? That’s the definition of insanity.

I still have codependent “if only” thoughts just like any other addict, but through program work and meetings, I find myself able to stay sane and cope with my thoughts and emotions in healthy ways.

Even on my off days, I know I have to talk and get out of myself because deep down inside I don’t want to go back to being miserable. I’ve been there too many times before, and each time it gets worse.

For me, every time I choose to work the program, I am choosing to be happy, and that’s all I ever wanted.

By Yana K.

I remember, although vaguely because of my cloudy mind then, my first couple of days at The Family Foundation School. The first three days seemed to drag on forever, as if one minute was equivalent to one whole day. I believed I was in hell. Anyone I met for the first time told me something along these lines: “Yeah, it really sucks in the beginning, ‘cause you’re not used to it, but I’ve been here for two years, and I’m leaving now. Time just flew by, and it will for you, too.” Yeah… right, I thought. If three days feels like this, two years must mean eternity.

At some point or another, I understood exactly what they meant. I entered into a strange time warp; anyone who’s been through it understands. And anyone who has graduated from here knows that the slowness and dreadfulness of their time here was due to one thing, and that one thing was themselves. Once acceptance of my being here came into existence, a magical thing occurred—I began to love living. Grateful does not come close to what I feel for and about this place. There are so many rewards, surprises, promises, and joys that I have been blessed with from this program, and the only thing I can do as a thanks is stay sober, and carry these gifts to other people.

The first three days dragged on forever, and I couldn’t wait for the moment I would leave this school. Now comes the last three days, and I just cannot believe it. Sometimes I wish I could stay longer, so I can wring out any little pint of knowledge I can possibly get from this place. But at the same time, I’m very excited to put what I’ve learned here into practice.  So long!

By Yana K.

The first snow of the year falls; children catch sight of it, and run outside with bare feet. Mothers run after the children and carry them back indoors, trying to minimize the child’s leg thrashing and kicking.

Sounds nice and fun, but we all know this winter has just lasted… way too long. And we also know that teens aren’t as eager to trudge in snow wearing their new Ugg boots to get to school.  So when the first warm day of the year awoke, the atmosphere of The Family Foundation School completely changed.

Mornings are a little chilly, but when lunch comes around, everyone is outside—some sprawled out on the grass, others playing cards at the picnic tables. Calm and uplifting background music sounds; an experienced guitar player strums the strings on his guitar.

Sometimes I lay on the grass with my eyes closed, and I am convinced I can smell the positive energies that only content people can emit. Weekends at The Family School on a spring day are something I will miss forever when I leave. There’s nothing like it.

At home, you could always find one of these three items in my bag; perfume, dance shoes, and candy.  I have enjoyed candy since my childhood, specifically warheads. You have to bear through the intense sour outer crust to get to the rewardingly sweet inside. I consider my life to be remarkably similar to that of the warhead, whatever the flavor. Whether it be sour apple, black cherry, blue raspberry, watermelon, lime, kiwi, or lemon. For I, too, have had various masks with an array flavors that I pretended to fill.

Throughout the awkward phases of life, I grew into a range of cliques upon which to belong. In elementary school I was a goody girl to my teachers, while throwing four square balls and trash canning girls during recess. To be polar opposite, in Middle School I slid my way into the scene crowd, and also thought it was beneficial to sell energy drinks out of my locker. Rock concerts also became a way to socialize, or show off that I got out for two hours; I was compelled by the image that being tough & independent brought me. Freshman year arrived. Presumably climbing up the social ladder worked, for I now had a variety of friends with no intention of leaving any of them; they each brought me something different. What was it that I actually required? I had no idea. So sophomore year it was popularity; brought to you by pills, alcohol, upperclassmen, or cars. Junior year I tried out more independence through extreme partying, harder drugs, sneaking out, or even going so low as to living in my car.  I had no idea who I wanted to be, or even what I even enjoyed doing. Just as the warhead, I consisted of artificial flavors due to the fact that every thing that I did was for the show or approval of others.

Two years passed since that insanity had control. Constant insight from peers and staff has helped me move passed these blurry stages of confusion into a solidified young adult. During the transition between “party girl” to a real woman, I began to realize that my life was more false than I imagined. Previously, I would have denied my deepest emotions. As of now I have grasped how to face them full on. Just like a bold person would grab that extreme sour warhead instead of an original. For now I know that my thoughts are the problem when I would have previously focused on my surroundings to fixate blame on something or someone.

At the graduation in my previous school, graduates received a rose to bestow upon the most influential person of their choosing. If I had a physical way of handing out this rose, I would deliver it to my sister. The only way of giving it to you today is by following through with what a rose symbolizes to me: Love and Commitment. I am grateful to have a sister to have as much strength as you, for you have endured all of life’s valleys and supremely overcome them. To my mother-  Mom, you are the soldier of my life. You are the cutest little mother I know, with the healing touch. I wish to be half as patient and kind as you are to be able to protect your children through their sicknesses.  Father. You  truly captured the concept of how to be a humble, intelligent, successful man and I am fortunate to be guided by you. You both have uncompromisable strength to send both your daughters away.

In order for appreciation to occur, I believe that I must comprehend what it feels like to struggle in order to know what it is I am grateful for. It may be difficult to have pity on a homeless man when all I am used to is lavish excess. Well, I got that simple life, and I believe I was granted more than appreciation. Moving forth I have the ability to use my confidence and logic for peace, joy, and love not destruction and I hope to get the chance to do so. Maybe this path will lead me to a new road where I can put a pebble in my shoe, call it a dare, and eat a warhead toward my luminescent future.

R. B. ~ A Family Foundation School December 2010 Graduate

The greatest compliment I receive is when new students look at me dumbfounded and ask me, “you used to do drugs?!?” It is a testament of the power of spiritual experience and the power of the program. The boy I was before I arrived at the Family Foundation School was afraid, angry and discontented with life. I couldn’t even look anyone in the eye. Drugs were my solution and anything I needed to do to get more of them was fair game. I had no moral basis for what I would or wouldn’t do for drugs. That was until I embarked on my journey in recovery.

I began attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings at home about three months before my arrival at the FFS. I thought I could stay sober by just bringing my body to AA meetings. The problem was I didn’t listen and I definitely didn’t change anything about myself. Eventually on January 1^st 2009, that lifestyle brought me to my knees. I was escorted by police to the Fort Lauderdale hospital. I like to say that sobriety was my new year’s resolution but in reality it was my parent’s. One week in the hospital, two months at a wilderness program, and twenty one month’s at the Family School later I stand before you making my speech.

By the time I came to The Family School I was sure I had it all figured out. I hadn’t surrendered yet. I hadn’t really hit my bottom yet. My bottom wasn’t anything spectacular. I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. So when I was ready to surrender I had my sponsor, JB, my family leaders, and everyone else in the family right there to show me what I was missing.

From that point on I began to learn what life was really about. I was able to learn once I accepted that I was not the end all be all. Of course I messed up, but luckily God surrounded me with people that understood me and held me accountable. Over time, I learned that that is what real friendship is. I also learned that you have to be a friend to make a friend. I was blessed throughout my stay in that area with people like Sean, Jens, Blake, Josh, and Nash. Thank you guys for teaching me. You help me more than you know.

As time kept ticking, good things began to occur in my life. I got sponsees, an anchor, work study, a college acceptance letter, but most importantly, inner peace. My mind was clear and countless doors and opportunities were opened up for me. I am involved in activities now that I never dreamed I would do. Even just homework was an inconceivable task for me at home. I couldn’t have passed my classes without cheating and now I am the valedictorian of my graduating class.

However, none of this would have been possible without my parent’s fidelity and love. Mom and Dad, thank you for all you did, you are more than my parents, you are my heroes; I love you. To all my other family here, thank you for being here today and thank you for always being there when I need you. To all staff and students at the Family School, thank you, because you gave me my life back. And I am ever grateful to God because he restored me to sanity.

Ill end my speech with a quote. Jerry Zucker once said “it doesn’t matter that your dream came true if you spent your whole life sleeping.” Thank you.

P. S., a Family Foundation School Graduate, Winter 2010