By Jake H.

In the eyes of the Family Foundation School home visits are for the purpose of getting into AA in your hometown, making amends, and to give a student a chance to show their parents that they have made real progress at the school.

My reasons for going home include the ones suggested by the family school, but I also have a few alterations of my own. In regards to the last FFS reason, I take it as a time to show myself the progress I have made. The last time I was in my home town I was a lying, selfish, and manipulative child. As a result of all of this I was rushed away to wilderness, and then I arrived at the Family School. Although my behaviors and attitude followed me to both of these, the setting in which they developed did not.

Since I arrived at the school I have done an immense amount of work reshaping my morals, attitude, and my beliefs. Not to take away from the work and its importance, but the work I have done has been thousands of miles away from home. Returning home for the first time was an experience in which all of my emotions that caused my past actions and places I performed them came rushing back. Although I did not act out on the emotions in the manor I did at home nor did I feel them to the extent that I did at home, they were there nonetheless.

As I was going through this experience I was baffled. I felt as if I had done all the hard work for nothing and that I was doomed to repeat my previous miseries. I had a good time with my family and did not indulge in old behaviors, but after my first home visit I was actually scared of graduation. I was scared that the Family School was not enough for me and that I was a hopeless case.

I returned to the school and began to express my fear to my sponsor. He proceeded to tell me that the fear was perfectly normal and that it was probably a good sign. He told me that even though I felt the emotions I did not act out on them as I did before and that was improvement. He also pointed out that when I begin to feel that way at home that the best thing to do is to make it to an AA meeting, which I had attempted but failed to do.

I then began to plan my next home visit keeping in mind that the old emotions will arise and the best way to deal with them is to make it to a meeting. I called home and got a number that I could call for meeting times and locations.

My second home visit I made it priority number one to make it to a meeting and to meet people in sobriety in my home town. I knew that if I were to blow off the meetings, for whatever reasons, I would have a hard time and come back from the visit having lost rather than gained anything. The first meeting was the hardest to get too. It was my 19^th birthday and my family really wanted to spend time with me; I had every reasonable excuse to not go, but I knew the consequences of not. During that meeting I spoke, a rarity because of my shyness, and received suggestion after suggestion and numbers from people that were willing to help me in finding sobriety outside of FFS.

As a result of making the meeting, expressing my difficulties, and receiving advice I was able to see that I have a chance at happiness after FFS. I also found that that happiness, for me, is only possible through AA and meetings.

When I returned from my second visit I looked back and saw how much work I have done during my stay. I was astounded in how, after much work, I was able to speak to a group of people in which I knew nobody. And, how I stuck up for my principles of sobriety and making meetings despite of my birthday and how I dealt with the difficult emotions I felt while home. To me this is proof that if you put work into the AA program that the rewards know no bounds.

By Scott Cole

It’s break time at the Family School. The families had a scheduled picnic at Chenango Valley State Park and the Boy Scouts were the early to help out. Their job was to set up the barbecue grills and equipment for the students coming in to enjoy. Part of the equipment that needed to get set up was the mountain bikes that were rented. The boys spent part of the previous evening biking on some of the trails with Joe Rogalavich. He then told the boys to bike down the trail to the pavilion where the picnic would be and he would meet them there with the grills. He asked me to accompany them.

This would be my first time mountain biking. This is awesome and fun. I started to peddle and bike. One of the kids told me to use the back brake when going down hill. I started to go a little fast and so I hit the back break. It didn’t do anything. I went faster and faster. The hill’s ledge was coming up. I was worried I was about to become a human pinball against the trees. I’m going to go over and ……….ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Apparently, I hit a root. This root caused me to flip over the side of my bike tumbling face first into a log. The bike then landed on top of me. I was bleeding a lot and cut my lip up pretty bad. I had a piece of tree bark shoved between my teeth, to which one kid thought I split my tooth. My jaw hurt a lot, but other than that, I was fine.

After a few minutes, I checked myself out. I realized that I was fine. Nothing was broken, I could walk ok. Sure, I had a headache and my face hurt, but there was nothing major. I began to crack jokes and had a great sense of humor about the incident. I told the story over and over again to people I met at the picnic.

Why did I do this? Well, I had a choice to make. I could either be angry and bitter about this or I could use this incident to make a positive memory for my Scouts. I could let it ruin my day and the day of others or I could go on with my day. I was hurt slightly, but nothing major. Why make a big deal of it? I had a similar experience years before at college when a friend of mine and I were fooling around and I was knocked out of a ground level pane glass window.

Instead of the Scouts freaking out, they were laughing and having a good time after they saw I was in good spirits. The trip was saved! We all had a good time and enjoyed a fun, although gruesome, memory.

That evening, as the Scouts were biking, I stayed back (wisely) to tend to the fire they made. I looked at where I hit. Had I gone three feet further, I would have gone down a hill at about a 20-30 degree angle straight down with lots of fun trees in the way. I see my minor injury as proof that God loves me. He allowed me to bang my face up instead of having me break an arm or leg or neck or worse. He had me eat a piece of humble pie (and tree bark) and teach a lesson to my Scouts about being careful (I also want to thank God for inventing the bicycle helmet). God was looking out for me that day, just as He does everyday. Who knows how many accidents he has prevented me from getting into…and knowing how clumsy I am, this is not hard to believe.

By Luke V.

In the 3^rd Step of the AA program, we must turn our will and life over to a Higher Power because our will was just not cutting it. Over the past several months I have been taking a third step every morning trying to live by God’s will, not my own. One morning in February, I had already been accepted to 3 colleges with scholarships at each of them. That morning I asked God to show me his will and help me decide which college would be right for me.

Later that day I walked in the office to make copies and I noticed that a fax had come in for me. My father faxed a letter to FFS explaining that I was accepted into The University of Scranton’s Special Jesuit Liberal Arts Honors Program. I was excited to learn more about this Honors Program to see if I was interested. The SJLA Honors Program is available to roughly 50 of the most qualified freshmen each year with a community atmosphere that encourages excellence and service to others. Students in The SJLA Honors Program take Honors classes geared towards philosophy, theology and literature.

I almost jumped out of my chair while researching the program. I was ecstatic and wanted to share the news with everyone. While talking to my sponsor about my acceptance into this Honors Program, it hit me; God was sending me a message. Just hours before I asked God for His guidance and to show me His will. The Honors Program incorporates many of the ideals I strive for such as service, ambition, strong leadership qualities, academic excellence and a relationship with God. I started to contemplate if my prayers were answered.

A week or two later I visited The University of Scranton. I was astounded by students on campus; they were all down to earth and friendly. There were a ton of things to do on campus and in the surrounding city. There was a lot of involvement in campus ministry and service projects. I was very impressed. After visiting The University of Scranton I decided to ask other people who knew about the school what they thought. Everyone had something positive to say. When it came time to make my decision, I was accepted to six well-known Universities, with scholarships at each, and acceptances to 4 different Honors programs. I will be attending Scranton University as a member of the graduating class of 2014.

I still look back to that day as a sign from God. I also look at talking with all of the people about Scranton and the positive reinforcement they were giving me as a sign too. God works in mysterious ways. I believe that God sends everyone signs throughout the day, whether it is through another person, scenario or situation. It is our duty to be attentive to these signs and be aware when they come. Turning my will and life over to God daily is important, because I can’t live on my own. Leaving me to my own devices caused chaos and insanity. One thing I have learned is no matter what situation, difficulty or struggle I am having, God is always watching over me.

By Jeff Brain

“I actually miss FFS…never thought I would say that” (3/6/10, alumni WG)
During a Facebook discussion today, an alumni of the school who left about 1½ years ago when he turned 18, told me that he actually misses The Family Foundation School.

He went on to say: “Things were rough when i first left…i didn’t think i learned anything from ffs…but everything has been coming out and i am now so greatful for the school and everyone there…its crazy how life woks..”

Yes, it is crazy how life works! One angry alumni, fueled by resentment spreads lies about the school and tries to discount those who found help and healing. While another finds that he draws upon what he learned at the school more and more. This is such wonderful confirmation of what we hope and pray to accomplish – that seeds are planted in our students that they can harvest later when they need and/or want them.

I felt proud of WG today, and proud of the work of the school. It sounds like WG is growing up – and doing what we have all done – putting into practice that which we have been taught, even the stuff we didn’t appreciate or value when it was presented to us.

Like WG, I also am “greatful” for the school –grateful for a great school!

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Before coming to The Family Foundation School my life was centered on drugs, alcohol, sex, and violence. I remember being at home and I never felt any other emotion besides being angry. I was so shut down to anything that was outside of my comfort zone. And it was like that here for a while until dance and drama came rolling in my life. I stepped out of my angry, violent, and threatening demeanor into a nice pair of spandex pants and began tap dancing for the school in the winter performance. I want to thank you Tom K. for the giving me the chance to complete something. I also want thank you Jackie for picking out such a nice pair of pants.

I also remember the fun times that I had during basketball season. If it was tying Malik’s shoes laces to the seat of the bus so when he tried to get up he would fall on his face or listening to Ted and Malik argue about who was the best player in the NBA. I want to thank you Ted and Larry for giving me the chance to play on your team even though I did not finish the season. It was a great learning experience.

The school has given me back my family, and my life and has given me new friends and great memories. Such as when me and Evan went to Oquaga creek to cook the food. When we got to the park we decided to scam and go out on a boat so we did not have to get stuck at the barbecue pit all day. We snuck off and got on a paddle boat and started splashing water at each other with the paddles until we ended up flipping the paddle boat upside down. I want to thank you Evan, that was the best table topic I’ve ever had.

Being here at this school I have received a gift I hope I never lose and that is religion. I want to say thank you to Father Stephen you are the man that baptized me and I will never forget that. Thank you. Also to America And Terry you two are pioneers in my life and I love you.

I also want to thank Ted, Iris, Jeff and Darlene for being such great bosses and being so understanding, especially Iris

This is a message to the new comer:

I remember hating everyone including my self and felt as though I would never amount to anything and I was a hopeless case. I always gave up on myself and could never finish anything. Now I finally feel like I have accomplished something and it took time, also many ups and downs. Just remember, what ever hits you and tries to knock you down, don’t let it. Keep moving forward and remember, good days or bad days, hold on with both hands.

K.M. Alumni, December 2009

Dear Family,

I want to thank you for allowing my father and I to share our experience with you all, it has been an absolute honor for both of us. I had a great pleasure in meeting many of you and seeing those who had played a major role in my personal development. My visit brought back many memories from my stay there.
I know you all feel like it is forever, but I promise you it is such a short time in your life and the years go by very quickly. During my visit I remembered many memories and feelings I had experienced, especially the feeling of being stuck. I could not move forward in happiness and did not want to continue to feel miserable. The teachers and advisors tried to guide me; however I wanted instant happiness without having to work for it. For those who are still waiting for the Fairy Godmother and her wand, she’s not coming.

I lived in absolute misery for twenty six months on and off; whenever I grasped happiness I would lose it through dishonesty and resentment. I did not want to deal with my problems and did not want to entrust them in anyone for fear of being judged. Fear always held me back from doing my potential and it was the core of my misery. When my best friend died I blamed God and everyone because I thought that anything good that happened in my life would be taken away, I was wrong, instead of focusing on how she died, I began focusing on how she lived and wanted to develop her love and compassion to pass on to others as she passed to me.

When you leave, which everyone will eventually, do things that you love, if you focus on all the bad things you’ll live in misery. Although I am not an alcoholic I still work the program because it makes sense; if you do something wrong, admit it, if you hurt someone amend it; you’ll live a happier life and the friendships you develop will be the strongest. The old friends I had, before the family, now ten years later , three died by suicide, some were murdered. The ones that are still around, I look at and feel so sorry for them because they are so drugged up they can’t function and beg for money to support their habit because they can’t keep a job. The only one that can change you is you, it is your life, you do what you want with it and the tools have been laid out for there through your sponsor and support. Good luck to you all.
Maria D.

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I am truly grateful to be alive and sober today. The fact that I am standing up here about to receive my high school diploma is in itself a miracle. It’s a miracle because 9 months ago I was living on the streets using drugs. My situation is unique for the simple fact that I walked when I turned 18 and after 6 months I came back to the school.

Life before the Family School was hell. It consisted of lying, drug addiction, self mutilation, and an eating disorder. I used all of these forms of instant gratification as a coping mechanism for life. My philosophy was that “only the weak feel emotion”.
I was sent to the Family Foundation School on November 30, 2007. I was 17 years old and I was a mess, emotionally and physically. I was going through withdrawal from my drug use and I was still searching for my place in life. I remember one morning my first few weeks here I was on my way to chapel with Danielle L. I was already late coming out of the dorm so I was in a hurry. Being from Florida I had no Idea that the morning dew forms ice on the board walks during the winter. I took one step and my feet slipped out from under me and I slid all the way down the stairs. Danielle laughed and said “that was the most graceful fall I’ve ever seen”. This school has taught me a lot about what it is to be a true friend. The school also introduced me to Alcoholics Anonymous as a way of life. During my second step I was reintroduced to Catholicism despite my protests. I was told that something inside me had to die in order for a change to occur in my life. I was too scared to change because I knew no other way of living. This attitude is what caused me to walk down the road on my 18th birthday, just nine months after arriving at the school.

For the next 6 months I went right back to my old behavior, thinking I could try it my way once more. I ended up using again in just two weeks. I remember talking to a woman when I walked, who was a complete stranger. She said to me “You really need to do the right thing and go back to the school; you don’t have anywhere to go”. As if hearing that from a complete stranger wasn’t enough of a sign, I said to her stubbornly “no, I can’t go back.” I continued living on my own, going from place to place. My drug use had progressed even further and I had destroyed the few relationships I had left. I was becoming physically and emotionally sick once again. It was only when I felt truly alone that I had finally suffered enough to want to change.

I re-enrolled at the school in March after a six month run. I was tired and willing to do anything to change. I remember feeling scared and anxious about coming back to the school. My anxieties and fears quickly vanished when the Talbot house girls and I went up to the dorm one of my first nights back. Rosie and Anais were doing a dance they called the robotic praying mantis while chanting “I am a robotic praying mantis”. When they realized that I had walked into the room they right away wanted to teach me the dance. At that moment I knew that I was welcomed back.

The biggest challenge that I’ve faced upon coming back is keeping it green. The best advice I received was from Mike Losicco who told me to never stop sharing my story; thanks Mike. My advice to the newcomer is just that; never stop sharing your story. Also having a connection with a higher power is one of the things that saved my life. The bible quotes in (Proverbs 3:5-6) “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not; In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths.” Thank you Father Stephen for all of your guidance and for the beautiful rosary you gave me when I was first here; it was put to great use.

Thank you to Mary Hanstine for being there when I needed someone to talk to. Thank you to Dawn and Jan for everything you taught me and for being a support. And finally, thank you to Talbot house for all of the memorable moments; particularly the time Nick threw a slice of ham in my water cup during dinner.

On that note, I’ll leave you with this: “The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln

K.S., Alumni, December 2009