Once again, I was running from my house, unwilling to accept that the decisions I made came with consequences. I was running to get as wasted as possible until either oblivion came or the substances ran out. If they ran out before I was satisfied, which rarely happened, I wouldn’t hesitate to scour the neighborhood robbing houses, garages and cars to get whatever more I needed. However, these binges always came to an end either by me submitting home, willing or unwilling, or, as in this case, by the police. When they found me, filed as a missing person, they cuffed me and brought me home explaining that if these binges continued they would take action to keep me off the streets. I could not have cared less so I continued to run with no restraints.
My parents had lost complete control of me and were forced to call the police any time I was missing for over 24 hours. As I progressed, the substances that were once my solution began creating a perpetual problem, the bliss that oblivion used to offer me stopped coming and I my life revolved around chasing what never came.
Conveniently enough, my recovery began before I expected it to when a large man and his large wife appeared at my bedside at 3 o’clock a.m. and told me that I was going to join some hippies at a co-ed program in Vegas. I was strangely willing to go for I had never been on a plane or to Vegas. When I arrived at the campsite in the middle of the desert in below zero weather, the gravity of the way I was living only began to set in. After enduring 100 days in the desert, I agreed to peacefully transition to The Family School.
For about the first six months I admitted that I had a problem and that I was not willing to do anything about it. I thought that if I started using again things would end up better than the previous time. Eventually, the truth infiltrated my false hopes and I decided that there might be a better way to live than I had thought. I took a real look at my life and accepted that people around me were offering provided real hope for me. I became willing to take direction and embraced sobriety. I started to own my actions and the consequences that follow instead of spending my energy constantly fleeing reality. I began to learn what it takes to uphold relationships with real friends and, more importantly, with my parents and higher power. On that note, thank you mom and dad for pursuing and enduring everything it took for me to find out what life is really about. I don’t believe that it is possible to express in words how much it has done for me. To the population expecting a quote, I’ve let you down and to the newcomer, just start listening.
M. B. ~ June 2010 Graduate of The Family Foundation School
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