Finding Support

By Jake H.

In the eyes of the Family Foundation School home visits are for the purpose of getting into AA in your hometown, making amends, and to give a student a chance to show their parents that they have made real progress at the school.

My reasons for going home include the ones suggested by the family school, but I also have a few alterations of my own. In regards to the last FFS reason, I take it as a time to show myself the progress I have made. The last time I was in my home town I was a lying, selfish, and manipulative child. As a result of all of this I was rushed away to wilderness, and then I arrived at the Family School. Although my behaviors and attitude followed me to both of these, the setting in which they developed did not.

Since I arrived at the school I have done an immense amount of work reshaping my morals, attitude, and my beliefs. Not to take away from the work and its importance, but the work I have done has been thousands of miles away from home. Returning home for the first time was an experience in which all of my emotions that caused my past actions and places I performed them came rushing back. Although I did not act out on the emotions in the manor I did at home nor did I feel them to the extent that I did at home, they were there nonetheless.

As I was going through this experience I was baffled. I felt as if I had done all the hard work for nothing and that I was doomed to repeat my previous miseries. I had a good time with my family and did not indulge in old behaviors, but after my first home visit I was actually scared of graduation. I was scared that the Family School was not enough for me and that I was a hopeless case.

I returned to the school and began to express my fear to my sponsor. He proceeded to tell me that the fear was perfectly normal and that it was probably a good sign. He told me that even though I felt the emotions I did not act out on them as I did before and that was improvement. He also pointed out that when I begin to feel that way at home that the best thing to do is to make it to an AA meeting, which I had attempted but failed to do.

I then began to plan my next home visit keeping in mind that the old emotions will arise and the best way to deal with them is to make it to a meeting. I called home and got a number that I could call for meeting times and locations.

My second home visit I made it priority number one to make it to a meeting and to meet people in sobriety in my home town. I knew that if I were to blow off the meetings, for whatever reasons, I would have a hard time and come back from the visit having lost rather than gained anything. The first meeting was the hardest to get too. It was my 19^th birthday and my family really wanted to spend time with me; I had every reasonable excuse to not go, but I knew the consequences of not. During that meeting I spoke, a rarity because of my shyness, and received suggestion after suggestion and numbers from people that were willing to help me in finding sobriety outside of FFS.

As a result of making the meeting, expressing my difficulties, and receiving advice I was able to see that I have a chance at happiness after FFS. I also found that that happiness, for me, is only possible through AA and meetings.

When I returned from my second visit I looked back and saw how much work I have done during my stay. I was astounded in how, after much work, I was able to speak to a group of people in which I knew nobody. And, how I stuck up for my principles of sobriety and making meetings despite of my birthday and how I dealt with the difficult emotions I felt while home. To me this is proof that if you put work into the AA program that the rewards know no bounds.