By J. H.
When I think back on the reasons I got high, I come to surprising revelations. The reasons are various and all have different settings accordingly. Sure I got high for social aspects, trying to fit in with a certain crowd. I got high to mask feelings and hide from reality. I even got high to feel as if I had a role, I was the pothead, then the junkie. But these all came after one distinct and critical stage of my active addiction to mind altering substances, one in which it had deep spiritual roots that I was completely unaware of.
In Buddhism, especially in Zen Buddhism, is the basic principle of life is awareness or mindfulness. In order to live, one must live; meaning if you want to experience life you need to immerse yourself in the only place life exists, here and now. This is something, complete covered from my conscious self that getting high brought me. For example, when I first began to smoke pot I got the infamous skin crawling sensation. This sensation brought to my consciousness the fact that my body is here. Without the substance, I completely ignored my body in the present moment due to over thinking, daydreaming, fantasizing, etc. Today’s society is so extraverted that we rarely bring our body to attention unless a pain or feeling is presented. I believe that the sensation given by pot was my fundamental nature that true happiness is experienced in the present moment. Not happiness that is procured by a thought, or external situation, which takes us away from the present state of the body. Humans are one of the only organisms on Earth that can get nearly the same amount of pleasure from thinking of doing something as actually doing it, therefore we prefer just too sit back and think about doing things and forget about what is right in front of us.
It was something that is so close to a spiritual purpose, but so far from, that it is almost funny. I was so close to something so divine, so pure, and I was absolutely blind to it. Now looking back with the knowledge of Buddhism’s teaching of the present moment I am astonished. I, with now conscious thought, was practicing an ancient form of spirituality. It shows me how much I was closed off to any sense of spirituality due to drugs and the mindset I was trapped in.
One my think now that it is only right to now pursue a spiritual using of substance now with the knowledge I have gained it would only make the using that much more productive. The answer is that it will help me gain a higher sense of spirituality but a false sense. I will also experience serious lacking in other areas of my life. During the using, I am so caught up in experiencing the here and now that I am repulsed at any other kind of activity or thought. Some again, may say that this would only be a divine life, but the fact is it is a narrow view of life in which I am blind to so many experiences. When under the influence of a substance I lose other capabilities and also motivation. The use of the substance inhibits my motor skills and gives me a lazy feeling. The payoffs are in no way worth the things I give up, and I am all too familiar with what I have to give up.
The thing that I now set my mind to is gaining this same sense of awareness, this same sense of here and now without the help of a substance. It is completely doable, maybe a lot harder, but it is doable. I believe that the things in life worth anything require the most work. The substance gives me a temporary awareness, but it eventually leaves me broke, no pun intended. With the harder way the sense of awareness is much truer and longer lasting. Through self determination and training my consciousness I will be able to keep the awareness and bring it about whenever I need. It is free and unlimited unlike the money I need to buy substances.
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