I am truly grateful to be alive and sober today. The fact that I am standing up here about to receive my high school diploma is in itself a miracle. It’s a miracle because 9 months ago I was living on the streets using drugs. My situation is unique for the simple fact that I walked when I turned 18 and after 6 months I came back to the school.
Life before the Family School was hell. It consisted of lying, drug addiction, self mutilation, and an eating disorder. I used all of these forms of instant gratification as a coping mechanism for life. My philosophy was that “only the weak feel emotion”.
I was sent to the Family Foundation School on November 30, 2007. I was 17 years old and I was a mess, emotionally and physically. I was going through withdrawal from my drug use and I was still searching for my place in life. I remember one morning my first few weeks here I was on my way to chapel with Danielle L. I was already late coming out of the dorm so I was in a hurry. Being from Florida I had no Idea that the morning dew forms ice on the board walks during the winter. I took one step and my feet slipped out from under me and I slid all the way down the stairs. Danielle laughed and said “that was the most graceful fall I’ve ever seen”. This school has taught me a lot about what it is to be a true friend. The school also introduced me to Alcoholics Anonymous as a way of life. During my second step I was reintroduced to Catholicism despite my protests. I was told that something inside me had to die in order for a change to occur in my life. I was too scared to change because I knew no other way of living. This attitude is what caused me to walk down the road on my 18th birthday, just nine months after arriving at the school.
For the next 6 months I went right back to my old behavior, thinking I could try it my way once more. I ended up using again in just two weeks. I remember talking to a woman when I walked, who was a complete stranger. She said to me “You really need to do the right thing and go back to the school; you don’t have anywhere to go”. As if hearing that from a complete stranger wasn’t enough of a sign, I said to her stubbornly “no, I can’t go back.” I continued living on my own, going from place to place. My drug use had progressed even further and I had destroyed the few relationships I had left. I was becoming physically and emotionally sick once again. It was only when I felt truly alone that I had finally suffered enough to want to change.
I re-enrolled at the school in March after a six month run. I was tired and willing to do anything to change. I remember feeling scared and anxious about coming back to the school. My anxieties and fears quickly vanished when the Talbot house girls and I went up to the dorm one of my first nights back. Rosie and Anais were doing a dance they called the robotic praying mantis while chanting “I am a robotic praying mantis”. When they realized that I had walked into the room they right away wanted to teach me the dance. At that moment I knew that I was welcomed back.
The biggest challenge that I’ve faced upon coming back is keeping it green. The best advice I received was from Mike Losicco who told me to never stop sharing my story; thanks Mike. My advice to the newcomer is just that; never stop sharing your story. Also having a connection with a higher power is one of the things that saved my life. The bible quotes in (Proverbs 3:5-6) “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not; In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths.” Thank you Father Stephen for all of your guidance and for the beautiful rosary you gave me when I was first here; it was put to great use.
Thank you to Mary Hanstine for being there when I needed someone to talk to. Thank you to Dawn and Jan for everything you taught me and for being a support. And finally, thank you to Talbot house for all of the memorable moments; particularly the time Nick threw a slice of ham in my water cup during dinner.
On that note, I’ll leave you with this: “The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln
K.S., Alumni, December 2009
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