Willingness

By Jeff Brain

“What are you willing to do?  This deserves serious thought on your part.”

These were the words written by a mom in a letter to her son at FFS.  As I confidently counseled this young man toward helping him see that this was one of the most important questions in life, I found myself wondering when the last time I asked myself that question.  The student’s mom was asking her son what part he was willing to play in his own healing and recovery.  It was exactly the right question to ask, and as he quickly tried to answer, he realized the depth and magnitude of the question and instead decided to take time to think about it.

This question arrived on the doorstep of my life at a time when I have been thinking a lot about love. Maybe it’s seeing the world reach out to the people in Haiti or it’s the hate that drives people to lie, slander and hurt one another that has love on my mind.  And, just to make sure I got the message, I find myself reading the famous “Love is” passage in the Bible (I Corinthians, 13) in my daily devotions.

I think I needed to write this out because I needed to process it at that level, beyond the “just reading it” level.  I find myself more and more reading without actually thinking about what I am reading – and more importantly, what I should do as a result.  This time was different – and I believe it’s because I need to examine myself and make changes in the way in which I love others.  Maybe you all can help me.

The mission of the school is based in part on something called the four absolutes – absolute love, unselfishness, purity and honesty.  I have struggled with the concept of absolute – seeing it as outside of my reach – isn’t it supposed to be a program of progress, not perfection?  Yet, when I read about love in I Corinthians, despite being so “perfect” and absolute, I feel drawn to it, rather than seeing it as an unreachable ideal.

I Corinthians 13 describes love like this:

Love is patient and kind.  Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.  It does not demand its own way.  It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (NLT)

This passage is preceded by a warning of sorts that says essentially, that without love, all of my best intentions, my talents, my abilities and my work is worthless.  If I had the greatest faith, talent, ability, riches – and even if I gave it all away to the poor, but I lacked love – I would have gained nothing.

I am compelled to ask myself –  what am I willing to do with this information?  I can certainly ignore it – done that before.  I can pretend it doesn’t apply to me or tell myself I am ok – after all, I’m doing the best I can.  Or, I can really “take time to think about” how and where I can make changes.  Either I need to ask why don’t I love more people or why don’t I strive to love people better.  Do I love the students I work with?  Do I love my co-workers? Do I love the parents who have entrusted their child to our care?  Do I love those who are against me and the great work of the school?  Do I love my wife (you may think – oh, that’s an easy one – of course I do but I need to examine how I define love versus the standard – the absolute defined in the Bible).

On closer examination, I find I am not patient, and often not kind.  I certainly get prideful and rude.  I almost always want my way.  I was irritable even as I set out to write this.  I can rattle off the names of those who have wronged me.  Watching the news today, I remember being glad that those who tried to take children away from their parents in Haiti were arrested (rather than being glad the children were safe and staying with their parents) – I wasn’t so glad that truth won out more than I was glad that people got caught – where is the love in that?  Closely examined, there was no love for the children or those who tried to wrongly help them.

Rather than hide behind a Pharisee-like judgment of who is following the law and who is not – and thinking that I am right or better, I am glad to be walking again into the murky, uncomfortable waters of “what are you willing to do?”  Will you join me?  Let’s figure out together how to better love one another.

I love FFS – for all that it is, what it stands for and for the people who define it – students, parents and staff.  As a community, if we come together and love one another, we will be able to endure through every circumstance –  because we will choose not to give up, not to lose faith and to always be hopeful.