My life at home and my stay at the family school were anything but easy. I was a liar, addicted to drugs, dropped out, terrorized my family, and was constantly trying to run away physically and mentally from everything. My actions from home continued for the better part of 2 ½ years at the school.
Two of the biggest influences on my recovery and my stay, which also happen to be two of my worst relapses, were the two times I walked. I walked the first time a week after I turned 18. I thought I was fixed and didn’t need the school anymore. I came back 2 weeks later after returning to every old habit I had. The majority of my family would not talk to me when I returned, but one person constantly did, Joanna G.
For the week and a half I was in the corner after coming back Joanna sat with me every day, helping me and giving me advice. In a conversation a few nights after I got back, I expressed to her that I didn’t think me getting high was that big of a deal, it hadn’t killed me yet. She somewhat sarcastically responded by asking me if I was going to wait for the drugs to kill me to stop, and I simply had no response. She gave me her icon bracelet and told me to just pray. At that point, I really didn’t know what else to do, so I took the advice.
Joanna: To this day you have never stopped giving me advice. Thank you for caring for me and taking me under your wing when I had nowhere else to go. Even though you graduated last December, you have still been there to help me and I am so grateful for that.
Things went well for a while after that, I started working the steps, helping others, listening to others, and praying, but behind the scenes I was taking advantage of the freedom and trust I had been given and couldn’t handle the double life anymore, so on February 1st I walked out again, but this time with my best friend, Claire.
I returned to the same behaviors I had experienced in my previous walking and before coming to the school. The only thing that was worse this time was that I had the opportunity to show how horrible of a friend I can be, saying how much I care about someone one second, and turning my back on them to get what I want the next, and my victim that time was Claire. After a week I returned and was angry with myself because I walked out again already knowing what was in store for me. But I realized after talking with Claire months later that I needed to walk out again, because I needed to see what a real friend was, and that I couldn’t be one if I was getting high.
Claire: I know you can’t be here today, but I owe you a lot. We’ve had a lot of ups and downs, and walking was definitely the lowest, but without it I would still not know the real meaning of being a friend. You have always helped to push me and been there to talk to. Thank you for everything.
Through all the hardships, everything people were trying to tell me for the 2 years prior finally got through my head. I made the decision to stay an extra six months and do the right thing, and I followed through with a decision for the first time ever.
People say that once you start to do the right thing, you receive so many gifts in life. I have received so many, but I think they were there all along; I was just too stuck in myself to see them.
I have made the most amazing friends in my life and they have truly taught me how to have fun sober, like playing 007 with Joslyn, stealing cheeseburgers with Erika and Kendra, making fun of Henry and Marc with Elissa, and Denise reading to me. Thank you guys so much for being there for me and showing me how much fun life can be.
The most amazing gift I have received came my first day at the school and has been with me ever since, Nanci. You have been like a guardian angel in my life and my families’. I don’t know where I would be without you, but I know I would not be standing on this stage right now. You have become more than a mom to me and words cannot express how thankful I am to have you in my life. I love you.
Jan, Juanita, Dawne, and the rest of old Family 7: I spent the majority of my stay with you guys, and you really became my family. You guys helped to crack my outer shell so I could do the work I really needed to do. Jan always stressed the importance of honesty and prayer, and it is his guidance that really helped me find them. Thank you all so much.
Old Family 3 and Lake House: You took me in when I wanted nothing to do with the school or the program and helped me work to change that into a strong desire to find happiness in sobriety. It wasn’t an easy road, but the end result was worth it. Thank you for all the time and help you gave me.
Most importantly, Dad: I know home and a lot of the time at school was not easy for you, in fact it was pretty close to hell, and I’m sorry for that. But I am so happy that it brought us to the relationship that we have now. You were always the one person that never lost hope, even when everyone else told you to give up on me. I’m so glad you decided not to. I love you and thank you for always being a part of my life. You have been my biggest advocate and your endless support has helped keep me going.
By the grace of God and help from others I now have the tools to overcome the person I had become, and I am more grateful for that than anything.
L.S., Alumni, December 2009
