By Terry McCarthy
What is it?
It’s a contract because it binds me to you. There is a certain camaraderie that is felt almost immediately. You and I know something about both of us that no one else knows. It’s negative because it is not good for either of us. I have lied, I’m a liar – and you are lying with me (or protecting my lie), so you’re a liar. Now we both know that the other is a liar. And because we both share the same hope – that no one else find out – we call that friendship. What kind of friend would make you a liar? What kind of friend would allow you to live a lie? Are we really friends at all? Knowing that I will lie to save my own skin, is there really any trust between us?
My actions determine the man that I am: that is the only way you can judge me. If I tell you I want to be honest, and continuously lie to you, what am I? If I tell my wife I love her, and then cheat on her, what am I? If I tell you that I want to be your friend, and then talk about you behind your back, what am I?
There is no one in this school that wants to be known as a liar, a cheat, or a thief. We all know each of us wants to be seen as honest, hard working, kind and compassionate. These are good, healthy goals. If you are really my friend, wouldn’t you be willing to help me through any obstacles to that goal? Or, would you say and do nothing in order to not offend me, hurt me, and maintain our “friendship”? Then your actions are for you, not me, and you are no friend at all.
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Terry, thank you for sharing this description of negative contracts. You show how it is our actions that create our character, as the saying goes, actions speak louder than words.
Thanks for all you do for FFS. We think of you all often.
I’m so glad FFS is engaging in “social media” – although I’m not a computer person and think there are downsides to the lack of interpersonal contact, the reality is that the “millenium generation” communicates via text, twitter, facebook, etc.
Keep up the great work.