My name is John and I attended the Family Foundation School from Feb 2001 until June 2003. I started drinking in late middle school and continued into high school. Early in high school I began smoking marijuana as well. My relationship with my parents degraded to the point where I simply viewed them as a means to satisfy my addictions. I lied to them about my whereabouts, stole from them to buy what I wanted, and lashed out when they did anything that stopped me from doing what I wanted.
They feared for my future and began attending Tough Love meetings in Chicago (driving 90min from Milwaukee one way to attend each week) to find support from other parents who had trouble under their roofs. They encountered a set of parents there who had experienced favorable results with their child at the Family School and as a result began finding out more. This included taking a ‘business trip’ to New York one weekend, which was actually a tour and visit with the admissions department of the FFS.
I was sent to the Family School shortly after their visit. The environment was extremely strange, I was separated from my friends and family, and had no access to my typical ‘fixes.’ All of the emotions I had sedated through drug and alcohol abuse returned and I had no idea how to deal with them. I spent the better part of a year doing some of what was taught to me in the 12 steps but hanging on to a lot of old ideas… namely that I wasn’t ‘that bad’ and was not on a track prior to the Family School that would have ended in jails, institutions, or death. I believed this primarily because I had done what I wanted without serious consequences before attending the FFS. I stole the money I wanted, got the drugs I needed, and went where I pleased without repercussions other than the consequences my parents tried to impose upon me. At a certain point I simply stopped listening to them altogether. ‘Your grounded’ became a mere suggestion that I tossed to the side. I would leave school with whomever I pleased and would simply not tell them where I was going. In my eyes, then, I was living the high life — I did what I wanted and got away with it for the most part.
After about a year of ‘faking it’ at the Family School, I got in some trouble and completely shut down because the image of the likable/funny guy I spent so much time building up came crashing down. I had tried so hard to be everyone’s friend to avoid getting in any sort of trouble or having to talk about myself that when my image fell apart, I was left with nothing. I ran away, broke into a house, got drunk and then found someone in Hancock to get high with. This time was different… I had run to my former surefire way to escape and get relief but this time was different. For the first time, I believe God let me see things as they actually were: I was alone, had no plan, was half way across the country from my home, and had accomplished nothing by using alcohol and drugs. I felt a little funny – that was it. My situation was as pathetic as it had always been; the substances weren’t helping me at all.
I was brought back to the school and had a tremendous conversion. I went through legal repercussions for breaking into the home when I ran away. It was the first time I saw down my path and realized that I was wrong all along. I was ‘that bad’ and my life had already led me to an institution and my recent actions were bringing prison upon me which I was sure would have led to my death. I turned my life over to God wholeheartedly for the first time. I really did need Him. I was nothing on my own. I began living the 12 steps, practicing honesty, and trying to amend my life. My Catholic faith was brought alive as well. My life was transformed.
I graduated valedictorian and went on to the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul, MN where I majored in Mechanical Engineering. I got married and have a beautiful daughter, Felicity. I have the best job I could have ever asked for as an engineer at 3M. I am very active in my faith, know that God is living and that He loves me, and make an effort to love and serve Him in return. I see these things as blessings – not entitlements. Even if I had no job, no wife, and no daughter it would not matter. My time at the Family School showed me the true meaning, which is hidden in the 12th step: ‘Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.’ The result of the steps (notice the word ‘the’, not ‘a’) is to have a spiritual awakening. My take on that is leaving behind the ‘selfish self-centeredness’ which is the root of our problems and finding one’s purpose in being a servant to others and the human that God imagined one to be. My sponsor used to say this is as simple as ‘doing the next right thing.’ I find that almost always the case. I live my life at least attempting to not say that harsh word, not retaliate, do an act of kindness, get up on time, pray daily, etc. Those are simple things but form the bulk of what end up being ‘tough tasks’ in life. As Mother Theresa said, holiness consists of ‘doing small things with great love.’ In any case, I believe the blessings in my life today are fruit of my transformation during and following my time at the Family School. I would hope that even if I did not have these blessings, the simple gift of a 2nd chance to use my gifts to serve and please God would be enough to keep a smile on my face.
I honestly attribute the bulk of my transformation to the Family School. As I look back, I can’t believe the plan God had for me. I was referred to my college by a teacher at the Family School who had attended St. Thomas and had been a part of a Catholic outreach while there. When I went to St. Thomas, I chose to live in one of their houses with other men of faith rather than the dorms in order to find a safer environment. I ended up being very involved with the group which built my faith and helped me become stronger in my own character – honesty, wisdom, charity, etc. I ended up working for the organization for a year after I graduated to give back for all they had done for me. Involvement with that group has been, to date, the 2nd most influential time in my entire life with respect to making me into the man I am today. Regardless of how difficult the Family School was, I can’t help but chuckle to realize that the things in my life today would not have happened without being sent from my home in Milwaukee to NY, stumbling upon a teacher with a suggestion for where to go to college, taking that advice and attending St. Thomas where I was involved with the Catholic outreach, living in the outreach housing for 4 years and working for them afterward, finding my future wife through my work in the outreach, and getting my job through knowing someone I met while serving in the outreach… unbelievable. My journey has led me cross country twice and I just find it too unbelievable to chalk things up to a random series of events. God had his hand on me the entire time.
I continue to support the Family School – it’s mission and goals, the way it forms young adults, and especially the hearts of the staff. The Family School is what it is because of who the staff are. Someone could come up with the idea of the Family School but without staff who have been down the roads we were on and want to get us off of them, it just would not work. The Family School works because men and women with huge hearts for helping others who are troubled work there day in and day out to save lives. They do this work tirelessly and sometimes without seeing the fruit of their work for years. My heart will always be with the school and full of gratitude for the life I have as a result of my time there.
John Henderson
Class of Dec. 2002
(for more from the Family Foundation School alumni…)
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