Recently a young man looked like he was struggling. He told me he can’t possibly make it the next 60 days until he turns 18 years old. He then went on to elaborate how he has been assigned a variety of readings from the big book and it has been suggested he focus on his prayer life.
He looked a little shocked when I responded “great!” I went on to explain that to a person in Florida a few inches of snow is a huge problem while here in the Catskills it’s no big deal.
All development comes with growing pains. On one level we all want the development, yet we also want to avoid the discomfort that comes with the growth. Often the arrested development that comes from drug and alcohol abuse is directly tied to trying to avoid the pain of development. If we continually avoid the challenge of recovery, we simply do not grow. But if we can embrace the challenge, the uncomfortableness, and yes, even the pain, we begin to see that we will make some progress. In many ways pain is the touchstone for growth.
But it’s important to consider how we frame the pain. As a young boy, I wanted to be tall. When my hip hurt my natural inclination was to complain about it. Then my aunt came over and told me “It’s just growing pains.” Through her insight I was able to re-frame my discomfort. “Good,” I thought, “if that’s what it is, because I want to get taller.”
In our work with students and our continual sharing of our experience, strength and hope, it is important that we acknowledge their discomfort while communicating our confidence that things will and do get better.
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